I’m carefully ignoring it, surfing the web and listening to Iron and Wine on headphones as I gave up on the franchise after Alien II.

Still, I catch glimpses of the movie out of the corner of my eye, and I do not get it. What’s the point? Gore, more gore, gruesome gore, slimy aliens doing icky things, and even more gore. And does not a single person have the sense to turn on a light switch? The whole film is shot so darkly that it’s almost painful to watch it.

I enjoy action movies, occasionally gory movies, even gruesome bits when it serves the story. I just watched Taken with the awesome Liam Neeson and enjoyed it very much. The bottom line is that there actually has to be a plot.

I must be getting old. Darned kids! Get off my lawn.

Oceans Eleven
This one’s a tough call. After all, who can match the Rat Pack? But George Clooney, Brad Pitt, a superb script and excellent pacing make the remake the superior movie in my book.

Thomas Crown Affair
I had high hopes for the original movie, which I actually watched after the remake. Unfortunately, Faye Dunaway can’t hold a candle to Rene Russo, although I do prefer the original, sad ending as being more true to the characters.

Italian Job
The original movie is fun and fast paced, and they both get points for excellent use of MINIs. The ending on the original is frustrating.

Casino Royale
I realize the original version of Casino Royale was shot as a spoof, so the comparison really isn’t valid. Still, the current version of Casino Royale is a worthy addition to the Bond oeuvre – Daniel Craig is an awesome Bond.

War of the Worlds
Please note that I am *not* a Tom Cruise fan. I think he’s gotten where he is today by playing one role really well – that of Tom Cruise. Still, I think the remade War of the Worlds is a nicely done movie – the CGI and special effects available in the 21st century serve this kind of story very well, and Spielberg still manages to maintain the story’s pacing.

I’m also hopeful about the pending Logan’s Run remake – it was the first SF movie I ever watched, it has a good story line, and it’s possible a less-cheesetastic treatment might make for a fairly decent movie.

There are lots of bad remakes out there we can all snicker about – I don’t want to hear about those. Are there any other decent remakes that you would point to and say, “Hollywood got that one right!”?

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid is one of my favorite movies, one of those I’ll stop to watch if I’m flipping channels and happen to come across it. I never get tired of it, and of course Newman’s performance is a big reason why. His stream of consciousness chatter – played off of Robert Redford’s Sundance’s squinty-eyed frustration (mostly at the messes the characters got into due to Newman’s Butch’s hyperactive scheming) – is classic stuff. I’d also point to The Verdict and The Color of Money as favorites of mine from Newman’s career.

The amazing success of the “Newman’s Own” products and the charities they supported were an even better reason to admire the man. I never saw Newman tooting his own horn over the success of that work of service to his fellow man. It was always handled as matter of fact and coolly as the man seemed to be himself.

Newman was a well known hater of celebrity and the hoopla of Hollywood. In spite of that, I can’t think of a greater giant of a movie star than Newman. Anything he did as an actor felt special. Ten Academy Award nominations, with a win and two honorary Oscars give testament to the respect of industry. The legacy of his charity work should draw the admiration of all.

Rocky Horror is no cinematic masterpiece – but it is a cult institution. You just don’t mess with that!

It’s astounding — time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely — not for very much longer
I’ve got to keep control.

Let’s do the Time Warp again
Let’s do the Time Warp again

Maybe if you have some serious credibility in that genre you might be able to mess with it. Maybe. And 66% of your potential audience will still hate you. It might be fun to see what the Dr. Horrible crew could do with Rocky Horror.

MTV, the production house that brought you Jackass, would defenestrate it.

What are some movies – or books, comics or tv shows – that you think merit the status of institution, and should be left well enough alone by the Hollywood remake engine?

I love movies. But I have found of late there is a problem in the world of moviemaking. And it has to do with editing, and I’m not talking about technique. I’m talking about cutting a movie to tell a story of reasonable length, an art that I fear is lost on the movie world at times.

The Dark Knight has some good performances, and all the buzz about the late Heath Ledger’s Joker is well deserved, he’s that good. Nope, I have no problem with the acting; all the major roles are well acted by truly great actors. There are good, quotable lines, something I like a lot. Effects, good. Cinematography, ditto.

The movie is 150 minutes long, or thereabouts. It should have been about 45 minutes shorter. Instead of being satisfied with a few main characters it piles more and more on, each demanding their fair share of screen time. In so doing, however, it burns them off in an unsatisfactory way. I don’t want to post a spoiler here, but one character in particular, who could have appeared in another Batman movie later as a major character, is instead wasted by the outcome of the film.

To some extent I’m not sure if it’s the writing or the editing, but as I think about it, I think it’s the writing where the failure is. After all, movies cost way too much to overshoot tons of film on scenes that might well not be used.

I also hate false endings. You know, where you think the movie’s point has been made but like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, it keeps popping back to life. The Dark Knight has one and it’s annoying.

You know, I think in a way this is why I usually really like almost all Pixar animated movies. They have the story, they tell it, and do it in about 90 minutes or so. I’ve seen long movies that I’ve liked, usually historical movies like Gandhi or The Last Emperor. But 150 minutes of superhero make bad guy go boom? C’mon guys, tighten it up.

On the “Making Of” documentary, the actors talk about what it’s like having been part of a modern and enduring classic, our generation’s Wizard of Oz. Indeed, this film will stand the test of time better than most because its humor, romance, action and fabulous writing are timeless.

I asked my 15 year old, Zach, whether he’d show it to his kids (if he should ever have kids) and he fairly enthusiastically agreed that he would.

Then he shared with me his list of classics he’ll pass on to the next generation:

The Princess Bride
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
History of the World Part I
Spaceballs
Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Airplane
Star Wars I – VI
Lord of the Rings I, II, III
Men in Black
Titan AE

It’s a pretty good list! No Godfather or Field of Dreams, but, well, he’s 15.

Now, I recognize that blaming “Hollywood” for ills is not a new thing; it’s a game that gets played for a lot of different reasons, a lot of different ways. Further, moviemaking has become a lot more diverse than just what’s made in that Los Angeles suburb. So, when I say ‘Hollywood”, I’m not just talking about the movie manufacturers there, I’m talking about the whole industry. Broad brush. Maybe that’s not fair, but the issue of the way movies are given the green light, made, sold and distributed is killing me.

First off, the experience of going to a theater is a ridiculously expensive grind. $9-$10 to get in. $10 for popcorn and a soda. Noisy people. Dirty theaters. Many times (I’ll admit not always) uncomfortable seating. Inadequately lit screens. Most of all, God help us, commercials. Result: Jeri and I rarely go anymore. It just isn’t worth the better viewing experience of the big screen and good sound; indeed, the only reason to go is something that is very good that we know will play best on a big screen with good sound. Our recently purchased plasma TV even kills some of that, though.

Second: Can we occasionally make something other than a sequel, please? Look, there are sequels I enjoy; there’s even one on my movie favorites list. But Hollywood is sucking the life out of stories and characters. Example: Shrek I, cute. Shrek II, still cute, but only because new characters were added and it still felt a little worn. Shrek III, pretty stale. Shrek IV: coming in 2010, whether you want it or not. Another example: Pirates of the Caribbean. Same sort of pattern, though in my opinion, both the second and the third movies were waaaaaaay over long. Apparently that franchise isn’t done either; next up, I understand, is Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of Johnny Depp Discovering Making Money is OK. Mind you, there’s a difference between a sequel and a series: Harry Potter is series, based on a book series. James Bond renews itself with new Bonds, and is also based (albeit very loosely) on a book series.

Third: Take your useless, grotesque, pornographic horror movies and dispose of them in the proper receptacle…the one that flushes. Why are those entertainment? What’s the draw to seeing someone tortured to death? I suppose they sell, but (and this is a big question that someone probably has or should write a book on) doesn’t an artist have some moral responsibility to create art that isn’t just, well, sicko?

Finally, I think that if you are selective, TV is doing better stuff. We’ve gotten a ton more enjoyment out of Lost, Battlestar Galactica, Heroes, and Big Love, than movies. Others I know were very into The Sopranos, and 24. They are more complex and better written. They have more time to tell their stories, true, but that doesn’t excuse that TV may be outmaneuvering traditional Hollywood.

So Hollywood, get off your duffs and do a better job!