Just three years ago Bryan, the boys and I visited the big island. We had an excellent trip, with lots of sun, sand and adventure. We’ve been to Hawaii a few times (we’re very spoiled) but usually Kauai or Oahu. The below picture is from an early trip to Kauai, when the boys were fairly little.

In spite of my amazing friends, it was a little bit difficult coming here this time without Bryan. He loved visiting Hawaii, loved snorkeling, diving, beachcombing, golfing, driving around the island. On one of our most memorable trips, we went scuba diving off the south shore of Kauai, in Poipu, and we were surrounded by sea turtles. We knelt on the sandy bottom while the turtles danced around us in the crystal water.

Bryan and I had a travel ritual. When we’d go places we loved, we’d try to bring home a piece of art to remind us of our trip. We have a particularly beautiful colored handmade paper lithograph over our mantel of sea turtles, symbolizing the life cycle.

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When I lost Bryan almost exactly a year ago, symbols like that became important to me. I wore a small gold turtle pendant he’d given me on a chain, circled by his wedding band, on a gold chain for months.

One of the rituals I did to mark his passing was get a tattoo. It was my first one. (My only one!) I chose to take the piece of art we’d brought home from Hawaii, and have it translated to body art. I’m proud to wear it not only to honor Bryan, but also as a reminder to pursue adventure and joy – to dive with the turtles when I can.

Yesterday as we wandered Waikoloa, I fell in love with a turtle pendant. I got it for myself. For Bryan. It’s the simple, graceful sort of thing that I can wear most of the time, and probably will.

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I’ll probably do something else to remember him while I’m here as well – toss a lei into the volcano or the sunset surf and say a few words. Still, finding and wearing the turtle necklace completed something for me.

Here they are:

The 14K yellow gold ring on the left uses the gold from my wedding set, as well as my 1/2 ct princess cut diamond engagement stone. The ring on the right is new, using a 6mm trillian cut peridot and white gold.

They’re big and eye-catching and will take a bit of getting used to, but I really like them. The jeweler, Blue Heron Jewelry in downtown Poulsbo, did fabulous work.

One thing that’s been hard for me to adjust to is jewelry, the symbolic pieces associated with our relationship.

Bryan was always very generous with jewelry, not only the traditional pieces, but gifts at Valentine’s Day, birthdays and holidays as well. Many pieces have sentimental meaning, associated with vacations, stories, times of our life.

The hardest thing for me, really, is my wedding set. And his ring too.

For the first month or so I wore his wedding ring on a chain around my neck, and then I stopped being so consistent about putting it on and eventually didn’t need to anymore. It’s in a dish on my dresser; I see it every day.

Then wearing my wedding set started feeling strange. Don’t get me wrong — I’m not feeling like a footloose single woman at all — but wearing it and looking at it felt like clinging to something bittersweet and lovely that is gone.

On the other hand not wearing it felt strange too, like I was denying the immense importance of our relationship in my life and the love that I will always feel for him.

So, after reflection, I reached a compromise. I’m having a local jewelry designer recast the gold and reset the stone – plus another loose peridot Bryan had given me Valentine’s day, right before I lost him – into a different ring for my right hand.

As a (very) amateur metalsmith this seems like a really positive choice. I’m going forward, holding on to the important pieces in meaningful ways, and using those materials to create something new and beautiful.

I’m having the jeweler make a set of two, stackable rings, one yellow gold with my wedding diamond set in a white gold bezel, and one white gold with the peridot stone set in a yellow gold bezel. As my taste in jewelry is a bit artisanal, the metal will be hammered, satin finish, not mirror perfect.

They’ll be ready in 5 weeks; I’m excited to see and wear them!

Etched 1.25″ long copper triangles, bottle green transparent enamel over flux, sterling silver ear wires with antique patina.

Hammered, domed 1″ copper discs, sunset orange transparent enamel over flux, gold-filled ear wires with antique patina.

Wide sterling silver ring, comfort cut, sandblasted finish – made for Bryan.

The projects I’m working on now are not yet ready for prime time; I’m having soldering challenges trying to work in mixed metal. Steps in the learning process…

What in particular? A hydrochloric acid and tellurium solution. And ferric nitrate crystals.

No, I’m not building a bomb in my basement. I don’t have a basement. And I’m not trying to poison my great aunt. I no longer have any great aunts. (But not because of my chemical-purchasing habits.)

These chemicals, and many like them, are routine metalsmithing supplies. The craft is more than hammer-finishing pieces and soldering ends together for a secure finish.

The first solution is for applying an antique black oxidized finish to silver and gold – it is one of the few chemicals that will patinate gold, which is quite nonreactive. The second chemical, made into a solution with water, is an etching mordant that will work on silver.

Not surprisingly, many metalsmiths have red, raw, dry, cracked hands. Even though we use nitrile gloves and appropriately nonreactive tongs for work with all the hazardous chemicals – acid pickle & etch, acetone, solvents, cleaners, etc. – we end up washing our hands and our works-in-progress (often with scouring powder) so frequently that we chap and dessicate our hands.

I do work in an adequately ventilated area, and use a breathing mask and/or eye protection when appropriate.

It’s worth it when a piece comes together.

Even if the UPS guy does think I’m a nutjob.

Metalsmithing geek talk follows:

The 24″ chain is made from 14 gauge silverplated copper wire, forged, shaped, and soldered, with a spiral “S” clasp. The earrings are made from 18 gauge silverplated copper wire, forged, shaped, soldered, with sterling post earrings and carnelian pebble drops.

The soldering went a lot more smoothly than I thought it would. The finishing – both prep before soldering, and filing/fishing post-soldering, was super time consuming and very messy. I may never get that black copper dust out from under my fingernails.

Here’s what I wish I’d known then:

Lesson 1. If you’re going to forge metal, don’t use silver plated wire, use solid sterling wire. By the time I was done working with it, the surface was mostly copper, as silver plate is a thin sheath of silver over a copper base.

Lesson 2. There is a way to de-plate a surface that has become electroplated with copper – a mix of half and half acid pickle and hydrogen peroxide. This doesn’t work when your metal IS mostly copper, and instead, seems to draw the copper to the surface more aggressively.

Lesson 3. When hammer-forming small chain links, hold them in place on your forming plate with pliers or tweezers, not fingers. I have the blood blister on my index finger to show for this one.

Lesson 4. Liver-of-sulfur, an aging/patinating agent, can go bad. When the dry stuff looks like little chunks of concrete and it won’t dissolve, it’s bad. It won’t blacken metal appreciably. It’ll still stink though!

So, when all is said and done, I’m happy with the chain, it’s a very cool look. I would not ever put this much work into it again, though, unless I was working with solid sterling or karat gold.

It’s a relatively little store, maybe 3,000 square feet. Its aisles are narrow and crowded, stacked high with everything you can imagine – and a few things you can’t. It looks an awful lot like Carol Johnson’s painting, at right. I’m almost always able to find what I’m looking for there – I think the only thing I have struck out on was an old eggbeater-style hand drill, and no one carries those anymore but specialty woodworking shops.

I shop there pretty frequently for odds and ends related to jewelry making. Today I was hoping for sheet brass and copper so I wouldn’t have to make the trek to a Bremerton jewelry supply shop to replenish my stock. Yep, the hardware store had it, in multiple gauges, along with nickel silver and some really cool tubing in lots of different sizes and shapes (square, oval, round, hexagonal) that will be fun to play with.

Last time, not only did they have the acetone and wire gauge drill bits I needed, but they had metal etching acid and great soldering picks and tweezers as well. Plus, I picked up a new space heater for my frigid garage workbench!

They have a little bit of everything from generators to mole traps, and are well staffed with knowledgeable men and women that are always willing to help. They’re even respectful to we women who are hardware shopping, I’ve never gotten a “little lady” attitude from any of the hardcore tool guys there. I actually hate to ask for help, though, because wandering and poking around to find stuff – and a few things you didn’t know you were looking for along the way – is a lot of fun.

The talented Zach completed his first project, below, a copper pendant. He learned to etch, finish the metal, connect the pendant and clasp to the chain and antique the project. I learned that the metal that retail copper lobster claw clasps are made of melt easily – at a temperature much lower than that of easy solder.

He decided to play with my new $10 Ebay letterset, and had this editorial comment to make about metalsmithing (I agree!).

The blue diamond she wears to remember her lost daughter very literally IS her lost daughter. She used a service called Lifegem, which can refine any organic source down to its constituent carbon, then turn that carbon into diamond.

In her case, after wondering for several months what would be the most meaningful thing she could do with her daughter’s ashes, she used them to create the gem. She had it set into a ring (not the one pictured here) which she wears proudly. When she tells the ring’s story, she gets mixed reactions – some admiring, some repelled.

The folks at Lifegem say they can use any organic carbon source for their gems – hair, if the family chooses burial, or animal, if a client wants to remember a pet with a special gem.

The whole concept is really fascinating, it’s like I’ve wandered into the pages of a science fiction story. I can’t decide whether it’s grotesque or beautiful, or a little of both. Families keep urns of ashes on their mantels, or scatter them in various places, and making ashes into artificial diamond is not so big a leap of logic. In the spectrum of funeral customs that exist throughout the world, this is only one of many, many unusual ones. In its own way, it’s fairly symbolic and meaningful – condensing a person’s physical remains into a jewel that is brilliantly beautiful and will last forever.

Still, I don’t know that I would do it for my own loved ones – or pets – even if I did have the money to spare for it.