I finally ordered myself a t-shirt I’ve been meaning to get for some time, since the UCF got one for amazon warrior woman Tania for her birthday earlier this year.

T-shirt available at ThinkGeek.

Last week I tweeted a facetious novel writing suggestion, the first one in the list below, and it made me think: how many ill-advised ways can I come up with to write a 50,000 word novel?

1. Write a 50,000 word MS project plan.

2. Write a 50,000 word novel in Morse code.
3. Write a 50,000 word novel consisting entirely of limericks.
4. Write a 50,000 word comedic romance novel in Klingon.
5. Write a 50,000 word vampire novel with a fountain pen. In your own blood.
6. Write a 50,000 word literary novel in the bathroom, on toilet paper.
7. Write and illustrate a 50,000 word serial graphic novel. In full color.
8. Write a 50,000 word murder mystery on post-it-notes. Scramble them, then transcribe.
9. Write a 50,000 word novel in sharpie (or tattoo!) on your own skin. And that of your family, if your handwriting isn’t small. Preserve via digicam.
10. Write a 50,000 word novel in less than 30 days, while working full time, sleeping too little and drinking too much caffeine. Oh, wait, that’s NaNoWriMo!

Any really bad writing ideas you can come up with?

Tomorrow, I’m taking off at oh-dark-thirty for the great white north and a spot of on-site project work. I’m staying with the awesome, ever-hospitable Barb & Bill, and Pippin-psycho-kitten is in charge in my absence. (He just nipped my thumb to make me type that.)

Posting may be a bit light because things are always a bit of a madhouse in Anchorage, plus the travel hours are insane. Here, have some Bob and Doug Mackenzie to tide you over. “Alaska is like Hawaii.” ::snort::

Carol Elaine, Natalie, Vince, Eric and Jim have all taken one of those ubiquitous online quizzes on “How Will You Die?”.

I’m not gonna take the quiz. First, because I’m a rugged individualist at heart, and second, because the possible results are insipid. You’ll die in your sleep? Or while having sex? Obviously this quiz creator needs to browse the mystery, horror and SF/F section at his/her local bookstore.

So, without further ado, here are some of *my* favorite answers to the question, “How will you die?”

• I won’t! I’ll simply have my consciousness uploaded into a succession of artificially created bodies and live forever.

• I won’t! I’ll be bitten by my hot, centuries old vampire lover, become a vamp myself and live forever.
• I’ll be electrocuted and die during a freak lightning strike to my solar farm while interfaced to my home artificial intelligence.
• I’ll be sent to execution by a liberal death panel at 55 after my children realize I’m spending their inheritance too quickly.
• I’ll drown during a hurricane while trying to become the first woman to swim across the Atlantic.
• I’ll die of vacuum exposure after being struck by a micro-meteorite while serving on a Mars geological expedition.
• Zombies will attack me and consume my brains after I run out of propane for my flame-thrower. Fortunately, as an undead person myself, I won’t need brains.
• I’ll be eaten by a polar bear in arctic Alaska after my plane crash lands, I wander across the tundra and collapse in dehydration and hypothermia.
• I’ll be assassinated with poisoned coffee by a jealous professional rival who will be promoted, given a raise and a window office in my absence.
• I’ll die in a freak recycling accident, my plight unnoticed by local western Washington eco-enthusiasts.
• I’ll die having sex while skydiving; our cords will tangle, our chutes will not open, and the tabloids will have a field day. Unless we impact over water, then we’ll just disappear.

Eric already has come up with some fabulous, creative ways to die in his sleep. What about you, what are some creative ways you could die?

I’m going to swipe a blog topic and share my oddball search phrases with the world. Thanks, Google Analytics!

Can airport X-rays see a joint?
A knee joint, yes. Other types of joints, uh, I’ll defer to the experts on that one. Really, you can’t travel without your stash?

Free puppies that people can’t have
If people can’t have them, then they’re not available, and probably don’t technically qualify as free. I think. My head hurts.

Seattle nude housekeeping
Really? Is this a trend? Because, really, there are things that don’t mix well with vacuum hoses and caustic cleansers.

Work for puppies
So does this mean that the puppies would be your employer? “Hiya boss, want a bone?” Or does it mean that you get paid in puppies? “Nice job this week, Smitty, we’re increasing your pay from a beagle to a labrador.”

Xray porn
Since X-rays don’t really image soft tissue all that well, I can only assume that the searcher really likes bones a lot. A WHOLE lot.

My dad has gone crazy
Not to be cold and unsupportive, but how the heck is GOOGLE going to help you with this?

Miss Smug 2008
Wow, there’s an award? I never knew. What are the criteria – and is there a talent competition? I’ll make sure I’m entered for 2009.

Strip club UCF
Trollops, we’ve got a new gig!