I’m thankful for family, friends, pets & many blessings this Christmas.

This is Sadie, mom’s dog-child and my four-legged black sister, in front of our traveling Christmas tree.

Yes, the tree is an idiosyncratic choice: Mom and Dad bought an aluminum tree when I was a baby for Christmases away from home, at cabins and at the beach. We lost track of it sometimes in my young adulthood, but mom replaced it with one from an antique store for nostalgia’s sake.

I wish you all a fabulous holiday season as well, filled with as many blessings and as much love as possible.

Reflecting on holiday traditions made me think – what are some of my oldest holiday traditions? And I remembered the Christmas tree train. Dad and mom gave me one when I was 5, I think. Mom thinks that it was a Lionel, and from the very poor quality scanned slide image below, it appears to be O gauge (1:48).

We set that train up under the tree every Christmas we were at home. I have pictures home from college on Christmas break where I can see a hint of train tracks under the tree. I remember being fascinated by the mechanism but hating the assembly; the sharp metal tracks hurt our fingers.

We no longer have it. I’m not sure what happened to it. It probably got yard-saled for $30. The sentimental value would be the greatest part of still having it, but the dollar value of similar sets on eBay seem to be in the $500 range today!

Both boys, especially Zach, assured me they found it interesting for the hobby’s sake and would value such a piece passed down to them. I was unsure whether to try to find a vintage set, or find a new one. Since I’m not particularly mechanically inclined, I went with new. My enterprising brother-in-law Andy took me out looking at new model train sets locally. We went to North End Train Center and Seattle’s Train Center.

So, for my Christmas present to myself this year, I ended up getting a really fun S-gauge (1:64) Gilbert American Flyer set from Seattle’s Train Center – and added on an Alaska tanker car, in honor of our family’s history. The boys set it up under the tree last night and we’ve had fun playing with it; surprisingly, the kitten finds it only marginally fascinating. (This is good!)

I’m looking forward to using it – more often than Christmas! – for many years to come.

Note: the really excellently composed pictures – the last two – are courtesy of Zach.

He’s cutting a fine swath of psycho-kitty destruction. I’m sure life will be even more interesting once we set up our *train*.

Yes, it’s been a hard year, a year of terrible loss, grief and pain. But it’s also been a year of rebuilding, of adventure, and of the most wonderful inpouring of love I’ve ever experienced from my family and friends. I could not have gotten through this year without those I cherish, and this Thanksgiving, I think of them.

My awesome sons and I are healthy, thriving, and successful in our chosen endeavors. We have become closer and more supportive of each other, and they have helped me out with running our household and matured beautifully. I’m very, very proud of them.

We have a beautiful, comfortable house, reliable cars, and everything we need in our pantry and our closets, and can share that with friends when we see need. We also have both preventive and acute medical and dental care when necessary.

We have high speed Internet and more technology toys than we should; we’re all geeks. At the touch of a finger I can research pygmy marmosets, order flowers for a hurting friend, or watch the news from Afghanistan.

Those, though, are only material things. What we no longer have in our home is a father and a husband. While I miss Bryan intensely at times like this, I’m coming to terms with his loss. He’s in a better place, whatever that is, and he’s with us in spirit on Thanksgiving and every day. While I’d planned to grow old with him, I’m still so very, very grateful I had twelve beautiful years by his side; he loved us very much.

I also remember my father each Thanksgiving with love and honor. He left us ten years ago, 1999, on Thanksgiving day, and the world is a smaller, drearier place without his ideas, intelligence and integrity.

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared ‘neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you’d ever say goodbye

And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance
      ~Garth Brooks, “The Dance”

I’m thankful for the dance: the precious years with Bryan, but also for the unmarked future, on my own but surrounded, supported by so many I love.

I wish you all a peaceful and meaningful Thanksgiving, filled with love and laughter.

The boys are taking their first road trip south to Portland. Zach is driving. Of course I’m a nervous mom, but I’m also very proud of them – independence and flying the nest is the goal, isn’t it?

The boys have been wonderfully supportive to me since losing Bryan, patient, helpful and just plain good company. They give me hugs whenever I ask, wait up for me after business trips, adventure outdoors with me, and are willing to chat into the late hours of the night.

With them out of town, I have several options on how to handle the long holiday weekend. I can go visit family or hang out with friends. I can go to the coast, or to the mountains, for a solo lodge adventure. I can go camping.

After some reflection, I’ve decided just to hang out at home. Partially it’s because I’m cheap; I don’t want to pay for a room somewhere plus dog sitting. But more importantly, it’s because embracing being alone, making friends with my solo self, is something I need to do.

It won’t be easy. I’m sure I’ll have sad moments and anxious moments. But learning to live happily by myself is essential, now.

I’m going to try to make a mini-retreat out of it. I’ve been to retreat centers where I’ve had time to relax, re-focus, find my center, and I think I can do that here at home as well, as long as I don’t get distracted with non-essential stuff. For example, I’m going to attempt to stay offline – I may not be 100% successful, it’s a wicked habit, but it’s worth a try.

I’m going to focus on getting plenty of rest, meaningful reading (and fun reading too!), yoga, meditation, hiking and creative projects. I have a LOT of creative projects queued up – some metalsmithing, a quilting/fabric art project, writing, some redecorating, even painting. In spite of all that, I’m also going to try to stay relatively unscheduled, rather than over-commit myself.

I may blog; I may not. That would be the exception to my intention of staying disconnected. Otherwise, I will be off net.

Happy Independence Day!

At this season of the Winter Solstice,
may reason prevail.
There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell.
There is only our natural world.
Religion is but myth and superstition that
hardens hearts and enslaves minds.

The sign, displayed in a niche in the ornate capitol building, joins a menorah, a nativity scene and a Christmas tree as symbols of the season. The policy for display? “Generally, organizations that apply in advance to have a display that isn’t considered disruptive or seen as promoting one religion over another are acceptable,” said Steve Valandra, spokesman for the Department of General Administration.

Those who read this blog run the gamut of belief systems – devout Christians, Buddhists, Jews, Muslims, agnostics, atheists. One common thread that unites us is respect for each other’s beliefs, and for our fellow man.

I don’t dispute that the Freedom from Religion Foundation has every right to apply for and receive permission to stage a celebratory holiday display representing rational humanist beliefs. If we are going to display a Christmas tree and a menorah, we open that floodgate.

I do argue that the sign that was created and displayed is not a nondisruptive display that avoids promoting one religion over another, nor is it an appropriate display of celebration of that group’s belief system.

Or do agnostics/atheists place their presents under easel-mounted anti-religion signs in the days leading up to winter solstice, to be opened in the black-and-white shadow of the posterboard on Solstice morning?

This year, one of Seattle’s artists decided to submit this ornament, on the right. Looks colorful, eh? Click for an expanded view.

This activist artist submitted an artistic piece – to be hung by Laura Bush on a tree in her own home – with the words “Impeach Bush” on the surface, as well as a picture and quote from uber-liberal Washington Rep. Jim McDermott, who signed the House resolution to consider impeachment.

There is a time and a place for political activism, and there are many excellent venues for free and vehement speech. I’m not entirely sure that Christmas trees and controversial political statements mix well, and I’m really certain that common courtesy would indicate not creating an ornament designed specifically to provoke and offend the recipient.

Note that I’m not even addressing the message here – whether you love Bush, feel he’s misguided or actively detest him, it doesn’t matter – I still think that this particular artists’ submission was pretty offensive.

Update: an article in my local paper, the Kitsap Sun, featured a peninsula artist and indicated the artists were instructed to avoid ‘politically touchy subject matter’.

Details and image courtesy of the Seattle Post Intelligencer.

This year, and every year, I’m thankful for:

• My husband, who supports me through everything
• Our two smart, talented boys
• Our wonderful families, who are always there if ever we need them
• My friends, both here and in Anchorage, who are the best
• My community of online friends – and really, there’s no distinction except the ability to deliver an actual hug
• Our smug puppies, whose love is unconditional and enthusiasm is endless
• My health and the ability to enjoy life every day
• Our comfortable, beautiful house that is both a peaceful retreat and a gathering place
• My job, for all that it drives me nuts at times, keeps me challenged and pays me well
• The opportunities I have to write, create beautiful things, travel, use the Internet to connect to the much larger world
• The freedom we have in this country, to speak openly, to access information without restriction, to live as we choose and to hold free and democratic elections

  We are truly blessed.

  ]]> http://smugpuppies.com/2008/11/27/giving_thanks/feed/ 0 http://smugpuppies.com/2008/07/03/happy-independence-day/ http://smugpuppies.com/2008/07/03/happy-independence-day/#comments Fri, 04 Jul 2008 00:40:01 +0000 Jeri http://smugpuppies.com/?p=913 My town does a 3rd of July celebration instead of a 4th of July bash. Tonight we’re going to head down to waterfront park for some good music, good company and fireworks at sunset.

  Tomorrow we’re going to stay close to home. We’ll smoke chicken and beef brisket and have a lazy backyard picnic. The doggies really hate fireworks, and we live near an Indian reservation so there are lots of fireworks in our area. Once the sun goes down and the noise starts up, we’ll hole up inside and put on a good movie for background noise.

  The rest of the weekend? Who knows? It depends on the weather, which has been cool and thunderstorm-y. (Check out Beast Mom’s pictures of the lightning strike near her home!) If it clears up we’ll take the boat out for some time on the water, and if not, maybe we’ll just stay home and get caught up on projects, movies and reading.

  I love long weekends though, they’re full of possibilities. If you haven’t already talked about it on someone else’s blog post, what are you doing with yours?

  ]]> http://smugpuppies.com/2008/07/03/happy-independence-day/feed/ 2 http://smugpuppies.com/2008/05/26/remembrance/ http://smugpuppies.com/2008/05/26/remembrance/#comments Tue, 27 May 2008 02:58:27 +0000 Jeri http://smugpuppies.com/?p=814

  To those who have gone before: thank you. You’ve made this world a better place.

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