This weekend, Independence Day appropriately enough, I will be flying solo for a few days. Not only is it the first time since losing Bryan – but really, the first time in a very long time, with the exception of business trips.
The boys are taking their first road trip south to Portland. Zach is driving. Of course I’m a nervous mom, but I’m also very proud of them – independence and flying the nest is the goal, isn’t it?
The boys have been wonderfully supportive to me since losing Bryan, patient, helpful and just plain good company. They give me hugs whenever I ask, wait up for me after business trips, adventure outdoors with me, and are willing to chat into the late hours of the night.
With them out of town, I have several options on how to handle the long holiday weekend. I can go visit family or hang out with friends. I can go to the coast, or to the mountains, for a solo lodge adventure. I can go camping.
After some reflection, I’ve decided just to hang out at home. Partially it’s because I’m cheap; I don’t want to pay for a room somewhere plus dog sitting. But more importantly, it’s because embracing being alone, making friends with my solo self, is something I need to do.
It won’t be easy. I’m sure I’ll have sad moments and anxious moments. But learning to live happily by myself is essential, now.
I’m going to try to make a mini-retreat out of it. I’ve been to retreat centers where I’ve had time to relax, re-focus, find my center, and I think I can do that here at home as well, as long as I don’t get distracted with non-essential stuff. For example, I’m going to attempt to stay offline – I may not be 100% successful, it’s a wicked habit, but it’s worth a try.
I’m going to focus on getting plenty of rest, meaningful reading (and fun reading too!), yoga, meditation, hiking and creative projects. I have a LOT of creative projects queued up – some metalsmithing, a quilting/fabric art project, writing, some redecorating, even painting. In spite of all that, I’m also going to try to stay relatively unscheduled, rather than over-commit myself.
I may blog; I may not. That would be the exception to my intention of staying disconnected. Otherwise, I will be off net.
Happy Independence Day!