A variety of theories have been proposed:

• The sinuses act as ‘air-conditioners;’ they filter and humidify the air.

• The sinuses lighten the weight of the skull.
• The sinuses are ‘crumple zones.’ In severe facial trauma, the facial skeleton is crushed; this absorbs energy that would otherwise be transmitted to the cranial cavity and brain. In a similar fashion, automobiles are designed so that the energy from a collision is absorbed by the car body, but the energy transmitted to the passenger cabin is minimized.
• The sinuses are resonance chambers (echo chambers tuned to a specific frequency), which change the characteristics of spoken voice.

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I still don’t think they make a lot of sense and would prefer not to have such a frequent point of failure in my life. Not that eliminating them is an option.

Source: American Rhinologic Society (No, they don’t study rhinoceri.)

So, my new goal is to find (and post) a daily December gratitude. I’d like to control my attitude and be a bit less of a Grinch.

So today, I’m thankful for my mom’s excellent health. As some of you may know, she’s a longtime cancer survivor, and at 77 years old, has the energy and vitality of someone 20 years her junior. She went in this week for her annual medical screening and, again, all results were excellent.

Go, mom! You’re living right and I’m grateful for you and your continued wellness.

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Note: the amazing and brilliant Janiece and Carol Elaine are doing a month of gratitude too – please join us!

Come, come, whoever you are.
Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving.
It doesn’t matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times.
Come, yet again, come, come.
     ~Rumi

I actually really enjoy exercise, but I am an idiot.

I was a high school and college jock, a swimmer, and pretty much grew up in the water. When I stopped swimming after college, I started gaining weight. When I start swimming again, I lose weight. It’s a pretty simple equation, really.

Of course, with an adult life and priorities, I can never again spend the 3 ½ to 4 hours a day in the water I spent as a young adult, but still, I can easily invest an hour in my health and sanity, and most importantly – I really like doing it.

I also like walking. Hiking. Bicycling. Yoga. Weightlifting. Rowing and kayaking. The only thing I don’t like is cardio machines – they bore me silly – although I can talk myself into rowing or doing elliptical for an intense 20-30 minutes in a pinch.

Anyway, this spring, in the onslaught of knee problems, bronchitis, vacation, and project ramp-up, I stopped swimming and never got back into it. *whacks self on the forehead* That was pretty stupid because a project like the one I’m on now really requires some extra stress management help.

As a result I regained a pants size, am regularly chewing my nails to nubs, and am through the roof with stress and anxiety. Of course, that kind of stress is normal a month before go-live on a project. I’m not sure even running half marathons would cure that.

Some friends have started an informal accountability group online, on twitter, hashtag #akmoveit. Our goal is to exercise at least 3x a week for 45 min. For each session missed, we forfeit $3 to the pool. We haven’t really determined time period or an empiric measure for most consistent exerciser, but whoever that person is will win it. (I have no illusions it will be me!)

So, right now, I’m walking again. And I may do a yoga session or two if I can find a piece of carpet that’s not covered with boxes or pet hair. Once I get settled in my new place, I’ll join the neighborhood Y and start swimming again – the Y is close, the hours are long and the facility quite nice.

Really, I have no excuse for not doing something so very, very good for me, especially since it’s an activity that I actually rather like. As I said, I’m an idiot.

Quote thanks to the amazing & well read Karen S. Thanks!

It requires a companion piece, though, on “Care and feeding of your extrovert.” Or, “Extrovert – narcissistic and needy?”

Those on the extroverted end of the continuum (like me) tend to require a little patience from those who are, well, not of the same persuasion. Still, we’re worth it – adopt an extrovert and you may find you have a friend for life!

Talkative and expressive. Outgoing people are naturally talkative and emotionally, physically expressive. Their dynamic range is considerable; they talk with their hands, their arms, their whole body. Not only do they enjoy talking, they require it for their sanity; when things are crazy, they verbally process and analyze issues and questions of the day. This need for verbal processing, for someone to talk to, sometimes makes extroverts seem a bit needy.

Enjoy hugs and affection. Extroverted people tend to be more casually physically affectionate. They casually hug, and touch you on the arm, the shoulder, the hand, while talking. They may walk a little too close, even sit right next to you. To them, this creates camaraderie, while to an introvert, it’s an invasion of personal space.

Prefers people to toys. Extroverts almost always prefer people to toys, and when they do enjoy those toys, it’s within the context of social implementation. When they indulge in the latest phone and the latest camera, they’re using ‘em to connect with people. You’re not very likely to find an extrovert choosing a book over a social outing, or online gaming over a dinner party.

Are interested in new people and places. Extroverts enjoy meeting new people and mingling in groups — the same kind of scenario that strikes your average introvert as fairly painful. They also tend to choose a new restaurant, a new club, or a new travel destination over revisiting the tried, true and familiar.

Extroverts find identity & energy in social contact. An extrovert takes Descartes one step further – the introvert’s mantra is “I think, therefore I am” but the extrovert believes “I interact, therefore I am.” Social interaction provides the extrovert with validation, energy and justification and when he/she can’t find someone to talk to, verbally process with, it can be uncomfortable and frustrating.

Of course, friends of all personality types can enjoy spending quality time together (often over pizza and beer), enjoying music, sports or the outdoors, or other common interests. It is especially important to train an extrovert well, keep them from jumping up on you and on your furniture, and have their hips and joints checked regularly by your veterinarian be patient with them.

Note: this post is dedicated to my many fine introverted friends. You know who you are.

I got married a couple of months after college and settled down. I was a good wife, supportive and enabling, tolerating it all and cleaning up messes as soon as they were made. I earned a good living and used it to support the family.

I had my first baby three years after the wedding, and my second three years after that, both on schedule. I was a devoted mom, putting my kids first and working long hours to both support them and spend quality time with them.

I finally divorced my ex-husband after nine years of his compulsive financial irresponsibility, not for myself, but when I began to feel my children’s safety and security were threatened by it. It cost me my faith.

A couple of years later I married Bryan, who I adored and tried to be an exemplary wife to. He was conservative, responsible, kind and loving and I tried to take care of him and the boys in every way. I was a good wife and mom, I had a good job, and constantly strove to be conservative and respectable and not rock the boat.

Then a year ago I lost Bryan, and with it a large part of my identity – wife. Loved one. Partner in a stable, responsible home. Instead, I had to try to figure out who I was, when I wasn’t busy taking care of everyone and trying to meet everyone else’s standards as wife, mom, employee, daughter.

Who am I? I am still a caretaking, nurturing type – that hasn’t changed. There’s nothing I like better than truly helping someone, preferably behind the scenes, with a hug, some long term support, an act of love, or anonymous generosity.

I am not, however, quite the good girl I’ve tried to pass myself off as for so many years. I do like to rock the boat. I firmly believe that “What the hell?” is often the right decision, and that I would, indeed, like to give ‘em something to talk about. I’m creative and artistic. Passionate about what I believe in. Very geeky. A little bit edgy and nihilistic. And more than a little bit hedonistic.

In the process of growing up a little this past year, I got healthier and set some interesting fitness goals. I changed the way I dress, a little curvier and punkier, becoming a shoe & jewelry addict in the process. I pierced my ears a few times and now wear colorful jewelry. I got my first tattoo, an ankle bracelet memorial.

The tattoo, in particular, is an interesting rejection of the good girl ethos. When I grew up, only sailors and bikers had tattoos. They were just not commonly worn, especially by women. Now, of course, for younger generations, body modification is a frequent rite of passage. As an artist, as a bit of a rebel, as a woman seeking beauty and meaning in my life, the act of permanently inking my skin with something significant is an important freedom for me.

So, here’s to shedding the old, ill-fitting good girl skin and finding one that fits better! I wish all of you a similar epiphany on your journey.

“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”
         ~Henry Van Dyke

One of the strangest facets of loss is how it changes time.

You’d think time is a fairly straightforward measure. There are 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, 365 days in a year. Those numbers can’t adequately measure the experience of the human heart flowing through time.

I have lived 45 years. Raised children for 21 years. Loved Bryan for 12 years. And have been on my own, without him, for one year. That 12 years with Bryan, one-fourth of my life, still defines me – my values, my home, my heart, my plans.

How can it be that the one year since losing him can feel like it was equally as long?

I remember, in the initial days, even month, following the initial shock of his passing, time behaved especially strangely. I had the strangest sensation of being frozen, like a fly in amber, like a pebble in a stream, as life rushed on around me.

The night hours stretched out like an eternity — every night was at least a week long. In the daylight hours when I’d try to rejoin life, I couldn’t keep up. I’d notice something, consider reaching for it in the current, and it’d be swept far past me by the time I moved.

There were times when I slowed my life down to match time’s flow. Sailing, flying under the sun at whatever speed the wind chose to take us, allowed time to catch up and life shifted into focus. Hiking on a beach or in the woods, time became my friend; the birds ignored the passing of the hours and the only rhythm was that of the sunrise and sunset.

But always, I had to return to real life, the fierce onrush of work, deadlines, errands, housework, bills, and I then I couldn’t stay synchronized, couldn’t keep up with the flow anymore.

Maybe this year my own personal time flow will speed up a little and match the world I must live in. Or, more sanely, maybe I can find a way to slow my world down to mesh with my life.

Goodbye my love, maybe for forever
Goodbye my love, the tide waits for me
Who knows when we shall meet again, if ever
But time keeps flowing like a river (on and on)
To the sea, to the sea
Till it’s gone forever
         ~Alan Parsons Project, “Time”

Responsible
1 a: liable to be called to account as the primary cause, motive, or agent b: being the cause or explanation
2 a : able to answer for one’s conduct and obligations : trustworthy b : able to choose for oneself between right and wrong

In my profession, I am the responsible party, the bottom line. If a project succeeds, I give the credit to my team, but if there are issues, I’m the “single throat to choke”. And personally, as single parent to two, and foster parent to a third, I’m also the responsible one, even if the boys pretty much adults.

I’m going to try to talk about the concept of responsibility without sharing the details behind the issue; the detailed story is someone else’s and I don’t have permission to share, and when I’m frustrated with a person or people I prefer not to name names.

I’m struggling mightily with someone else’s strange, complete disconnect with responsibility. This deficit is not new to me, I’ve known about it for years. Still, it’s bizarre and puzzling to that someone can simply decide that responsibility that is legally, morally and ethically theirs can simply be ducked, with a shrug and maybe even a little bit of blame game, just because they don’t want it.

I talked about this with a good friend last night, one who is always direct and honest with me. (All my good friends are that way – I’m very blessed!) This friend said, “You are all adults now. Being an adult has responsibilities. That is the hardest thing to learn. And you are trying to solve all of their problems, and you cannot.”

Ouch. This bears reflection, because it is so very true. If I can’t be helpful and supportive in a family relationship or a friendship, I often wonder what value I bring to the table. I do tend to be a fix-it kind of gal, although I’m ok with just listening too. Still, what if the best and most constructive thing I can do for someone I love is to require them to stand on their own two feet and learn to solve their own problems?

This brings to mind another definition:

Enabler
1 a: one that enables another to achieve an end; b: one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior

Am I acting as an enabler, because I do too much, want too much to be helpful? It’s quite possible.

The questions here, the murky areas, are related to mental illness, an adult de-facto dependent with a significant degree of mental health impairment and mood disorder.

• What additional support is required?

• What logical consequences are appropriate or even comprehensible?
• What level of expectations are appropriate?
• How can I, as caregiver, live my own life?

I don’t know of any hard and fast guidelines – suggestions range from a completely supported lifelong live-in model to a tough love, sink-or-swim model.

Actually somewhat applicable here, the classic and actually very infrequently used insanity defense is based upon an evaluation that the accused was incapable of distinguishing between right and wrong and that he/she was unable to control his or her behavior at the time of the offense.

None of this answers the question of how I deal with people in my life who are unable to comprehend or accept responsibility at all. Unfortunately it can’t be externally applied, via flog, spur or carrot-on-a-stick. I guess where I’m arriving at with this rambling essay is that compensating for them by taking the responsibility on myself helps no one, least of all myself.

I don’t mind the rain so much, I still get out and walk and I prefer cool weather. I just have a tough time with the gloom. It was an issue in Alaska; it’s an issue here.

I’m one of those people that’s energized by sunshine, although not too much of it! Hot weather can be a bit much. But sunny and 60 is absolute heaven for me. It revs my metabolism, amps up my mood, puts a spring in my step and reduces my need for sleep.

There’s a name for the opposite side of that spectrum, the winter gloom and doldrums. It’s seasonal affective disorder, or SAD. Its symptoms are similar to those of clinical depression:

• Depression
• Hopelessness
• Anxiety
• Loss of energy
• Social withdrawal
• Oversleeping
• Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
• Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates
• Weight gain
• Difficulty concentrating and processing information

As I struggle with clinical depression too, I can actually tell a difference. SAD, for me, primarily consists of sluggishness, sleepiness, withdrawal, and carbohydrate craving. If I could hibernate in a bakery for the winter and not emerge until spring, I would.

The minor environmental changes I can make to help with this include:

• Make my environment sunnier and brighter. Open blinds and sit closer to bright windows while at home or in the office. Use full spectrum lights and turn them on during gloomy days.

• Get outside. Take walks, sit on a bench and soak up the sun. Even on cold or cloudy days, outdoor light can help.
• Exercise regularly. Physical exercise helps relieve my stress and anxiety, and the days I don’t want to go are the days I most need it. (like today!) The bright lights of the gym or pool can help, too.
• Spend time around people. I make plans to spend time around others, even if I am feeling withdrawn and antisocial. I go into the Seattle office, get together with family, go to the pool or the gym on a scheduled basis.

One of the most common forms of SAD therapy prescribed is a light box – phototherapy. The light should be 10,000 lux, and at that intensity, the amount of time required in front of the light is 30 minutes at 12-18″ distance. You don’t have to look directly into the light, placing it to the side is fine, but your eyes need to be open.

I got my SAD light out this week and am trying to use it first thing every morning. Spending a half hour before going to the pool at 6am will be a bit of a challenge.

So, if you drive by my house first thing in the morning and see an intense blue-white light in my front window, it’s not an alien interrogation, just therapy for the seasonal blues. Hopefully with that, regular exercise and paying a little more attention to hyperscheduling, I’ll be my usual cheerful self again pretty quickly.
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Previous posts on depression:
Depression Take II – Jun 2009
Living with Depression – Jan 2008

We were going to hike, kayak, do archery, play outside, but Mother Nature had other plans – torrential rain, thunder, lightning, hail, and then some more rain.

Oh well – I did do yoga – and Steph got asked at the last minute to teach the yoga classes as the scheduled instructor couldn’t make it – and Sunday cleared up enough to go shoot a few arrows and walk around the lovely, if soggy, camp.

The cabins were warm and the bunks sturdy, although I’m not agile enough to truly be very thrilled about a top bunk anymore.

The food was stellar, and the lodge’s fireside room with magnificent Puget sound views a great place to write.

I am still behind on word count, doggone it, but I’m chipping away at it.

This raises some questions for my exercise addiction. Should I exercise when I’m sick? And how does exercise play into immune response? I did some research and found great answers.

Exercising when Ill. It’s important to be attentive to your body’s needs when evaluating whether or not to continue an exercise routine when feeling ill. Many experts recommend that if your symptoms are above the neck and you have no fever, light to moderate exercise is probably safe.

If you are already ill, you should be careful about exercising too intensely. Your immune system is already taxed by fighting your infection. Additional stress could undermine your recovery; it will only make things worse and likely extend your illness.

However, if there are symptoms or signs of the flu or more serious illness, such as fever, extreme tiredness, muscle aches, swollen lymph glands, or bronchial symptoms, then many sources indicate more time should be allowed before you resume intensive training. In such cases, online resources are no substitute for consulting your doctor.

In my case, I did have a low-grade fever, a cough, and enough exhaustion that I didn’t try to exercise through it. Now that I’m back to nearly 100%, I’m going to ease back in, to make sure I don’t overtire myself. I wanted to start back today but work demands were prohibitive; that’s probably a good thing as I’m still coughing a little. Tomorrow, though, I’ll be at the pool mid-morning,

Regular Moderate Exercise Boosts Immunity. Moderate, consistent exercise has been proven to build a strong immune system. It’s been linked to a positive immune system response and a temporary boost in the production of macrophages, the cells that attack bacteria. In addition, when moderate exercise is repeated on a near-daily basis, the cumulative effect can build a long-term immune response.

Too Much Exercise May Decrease Immunity Conversely, there is also evidence that too much intense exercise can reduce immunity. This research is showing that more than 90 minutes of high-intensity endurance exercise can make athletes susceptible to illness for up to 72 hours after the exercise session.

Intense exercise seems to cause a temporary decrease in immune system function.
Cortisol and adrenaline, known as the stress hormones, are produced during intense exercise, raise blood pressure and cholesterol levels and suppress the immune system.

Ultra-distance training should include enough rest and recovery days to allow the body and immune system to recover. Feeling run-down or displaying other symptoms of overtraining–heart rate changes, irritability, general heaviness or fatigue–may indicate the need to reduce duration or frequency of workouts.

I am really bad about taking my regularly scheduled rest day because I find the mental health benefits of the workout outweigh the rest and recuperation value of a own day. I may have undermined my own immune system. I’ll have to watch that in the future.