Lately, I’ve been thinking about aging.

Jenny Joseph’s famous poem “When I am an Old Woman I shall Wear Purple” is wonderful; she concludes by saying:

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
and pay our rent and not swear in the street
and set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

I'm, err, 43. Firmly in my middle age years, mentally and physically, and still working on setting that good example. I'm no longer young, but by no means elderly. The signs of aging are accelerating. Gravity is winning the battle; the smile lines and crows' feet are more prominent; the old injuries are becoming more pragmatic; my eyesight is noticeably worse and the mood swings and headaches are probably a good indication I'm heading into perimenopause. (No, this post isn't about female hormone stuff.. just an objective observation.)

I wonder… what does aging hold for me? It's certainly much better than the alternative.

Today, my flight was full of predominantly elderly folks headed for an Alaskan cruise, north to south route. They were fairly active folks with a positive outlook. Some had hearing aids, coke-bottle-bottom glasses, canes, even a sling for a shoulder injury, but mostly the group was hale and healthy. (Please, though, fanny packs slung over a broad belly are really not a good look for anyone.)

These ladies and gentlemen, though, were so slow and particular. The folks near me had to rifle through suitcases to find what they needed (not electronics!) for the trip, lift stuff up and down into the overhead bins, and tended to forget and relocate items. They basically blocked the aisle for much of the boarding process and the actual flight. They were fairly oblivious to those around them, not noticing when they held up lines or bumped into others. You know, they probably have no reason to be in a tearing hurry anymore – they're not juggling all that we middle-aged folks do, and that's probably a great relief.

Am I headed toward slow, fussy old age? Probably. I'm borderline OCD, very particular, and tend to micro-focus and tune out the external world. Plus, I can be quite cranky and critical on a bad day.

Since I feel the effects of age even now, I can't imagine what my body will feel like when I'm 70. Will I be able to garden, climb stairs, walk the dog, enjoy my hobbies? It seems that the successfully, happily retired folks I know focus heavily on quality of life, enjoying each moment. I have noticed the most active and healthy older women are the slim, agile type –larger elderly ladies seem to be noticeably in much worse health. I guess I'd better get to work on arriving there in better shape!

My mom, who I brag about often, is my hero in this regard. She is 73 right now, and is training for the Senior Olympic nationals in swimming next summer. She also runs agility and does dance class with her Australian Shepherd, takes yoga and does distance walking. Aside from her recreational activities, she does a tremendous amount of work keeping the mini-farm up – digging irrigation systems, building garden beds, decks, fences, hauling rocks, etc. I would love to be as energetic and lively as her 30 years from now.

My hostess Barb – newly self-employed in the financial planning field - and I were talking about retirement expectations tonight. Her very solid advice was to plan for the same type of lifestyle in retirement that you have in your everyday life… not to shoot for some pie in the sky standard of living with lake houses, sports cars, international travel and expensive hobbies. That's food for thought, as I'd always hoped to travel more as a retiree but probably need to look at the expense of travel realistically.

I would like to retire someday, maybe a bit early, although with the last year's stock market performance that's a little further away than before. I need to focus not only on saving for retirement, though, but also on building a healthy body and outlook so that I'm able to truly enjoy those later chapters in my life.

Wearing purple is all good and fine, but if I try to strap on a fanny pack, just say no.

This has been a really rough couple of weeks for me; I’ve had headache after headache, most of them migraines. Obviously, I’d rather not spend time at my computer or online if I don’t have to when my head is pounding.

I’ve been trying to figure out what is causing this sudden uptick in headaches, as I usually only have one or two migraines a month. My body is certainly trying to tell me something! My usual triggers are sleep deprivation, hormones, major emotional stress, alcohol, MSG & nitrites, excess sugar, and caffeine. Voila… there’s the answer! It’s been a combination of hormone fluctuations (which are getting worse as I approach my mid-40s), major stress at work, and, gee, I just relaxed my caffeine restriction. All three at once are too much, so I apparently hit a threshold a much greater frequency of headaches.

So, I’m going back on the wagon as pertains to caffeine, doggone it! As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I really like coffee. I’m also going to get more consistent and frequent about yoga and meditation, even practicing meditation alone when I don’t have time for both.

Hopefully, all that wil make a difference. If not, I’ll call my doctor and ask her to put me back on a preventive medication – I used to take a low-dose anti-convulsant to help managed them, and it worked.

Please accept my apologies for posting so infrequently and only rarely commenting on others’ blogs.

I have a love/hate relationship with coffee.

On one hand, I love the beverage… it’s required, I live in the Seattle area. My favorite drinks are a breve cappucino in winter, or a doppio (double shot) over ice with a splash of half and half in the summer. My favorite home-brewed coffee is a medium roast pure Kona, preferably in a French Press. I also prefer my coffee fairly strong and dark, not even a little bit transparent!

I’m not a sweet coffee person, and I don’t care for flavored syrups, sugar free or not. Frappucinos and other blended coffee drinks are not coffee, they’re milkshakes. I do always like my coffee white, with half and half or whole milk, but flavored or unflavored creamers (coffee mate) whether liquid or powdered are evil in both flavor and nutritional content.

My doc (she’s an MD/naturopath) suspected that my very moderate caffeine intake (1-2 c/day) was exacerbating my migraines. She was right. After getting through the pain of withdrawal headaches, I felt a lot better. (She’s a good doc, prevention-oriented, also very supportive of my adventures in low carb.)

On the plus side, I read recently that there is a correlation between coffee drinking and reduced cholesterol levels in the blood. My cholesterol levels are not awful, but neither are they optimal, so this is interesting information.

Nonetheless, I prefer no migraines to any longer-term cholesterol-reducing impact, so I try to stay decaffeinated as much as possible. Decaffeinated coffee isn’t all that great, not really worth the fuss of making it, although I’ve found a swiss water process organic that’s drinkable.

One interesting consumer phenomenon in the Seattle area is Starbucks backlash. Many coffee drinkers avoid the ubiquitous Starbucks – on every corner! – in favor of local, independent coffee shops. I think it’s both an anti-chain business mentality and a quality issue. Starbucks’ espresso-making process is consistent. Their coffee, either espresso or drip, just is not nearly as good as some local shops; it’s harsh, bitter and sour. I’ve done a walking taste test through Pioneer Square and downtown, and Grand Central Bakery, Caffe D’Arte and Dilettante all have better brew. ☺

In Anchorage, it’s Kaladi Brothers’ coffee, hands down. Both their espresso and their very freshly roasted beans for sale are excellent. Driving by their Brayton Drive store when they are roasting just about makes me drool.

Have you ever heard of the coffee test? From Bob Sutton’s book, The No Asshole Rule:

The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a “decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n’-Low and one NutraSweet,” ooh, you’re a huge asshole.

I admit that I still do indulge in a real, full-caffeine cup every now and then. It’s usually a fairly simple & straightforward order (I must be a nice person) and from a caffeine perspective, I try not to make it a habit.

Today I visited my awesome sister Cheri at work; she’s a radiologic technician. On Fridays, she works as part of a heart study, performing heart scans via computer tomography to look for arterial calcification and any other issues.

The technology they use, and the imaging capabilities, are super fascinating.

Since she works for a study program, she was able to scan mine. (I hadn’t come in for a scan, but she offered.) It’s amazing to watch your own heart beating on screen in video image. I’m happy to report that I have no arterial calcification whatsoever, although there was perhaps a tiny speck of calcium in my aortic valve.

The study correlates the scan results with a medical history questionnaire: elevated cholesterol, high triglycerides, history of hypertension, diabetes, stroke. (Thank goodness I have none of those.) It will be interesting to see their findings when they publish results.

What she did find, though, was a big ol’ anterior bone spur on one of my mid-thoracic vertebrae. Rather than affecting my spinal column in any way, it juts into my chest cavity. I’ve had an intermittently painful spot there most of my adult life, and I figured it was a body mechanics issue. The radiologist didn’t think it was serious enough to follow up with a doctor or avoid yoga – just something to be aware of.

I’m thankful my heart is healthy and the other stuff minor – and grateful to my sister for doing the scan.

Today the local paper carried an article about risks & side effects for a new class of medication.

Researchers are developing drugs to address addictions like smoking or compulsive eating. The current, innovative mode of attack seems to be blocking pleasure centers in the brain that provide the feel-good response to the addictive behavior.

Unsurprisingly, the rate of adverse effects & complications from these medications are high. Depression – rapid, serious, suicidal depression – seems to be a complaint, and appears to be related to the pleasure-center blocking function. Gee, anhedonia can cause depression? Who would have thought?

As a result, the drugs are not recommended for patients with depression or other mood-related mental health issues. Although I have no empirical evidence, it seems to me that the correlation of addictive behavior with mood disorder patients is much higher than with the general population. Depression, OCD, anxiety all seem to be natural partners with addiction. This would eliminate a huge percentage of the target market.

The thing that distressed me most about the article was the bias toward drug approval. These fairly catastrophic side effects were impacting initial or continued approval of the drugs in the US. The agenda seems to be that drug approval – we need more pills, big pharma needs more revenue - is far more important than safety or side effects.

Sad.