Do not lose hold of your dreams or aspirations. For if you do, you may still exist but you have ceased to live.
A friend and I have been talking about understanding and supporting each other with our priorities, our needs, and our lives in transition.
My challenge is that I no longer have any clue what I want in life.
My personality type is such that I focus on the practical details to avoid dealing with messy feelings and dreams and mood swings. It does make me a decent project manager.
Practically, I’m focusing on getting the rather overwhelming details of my life straightened out – my old house painted, re-carpeted & sold, my eldest launched into independent life, my finances stabilized, my job figured out with manageable work-life balance.
I will admit that I have been depressed lately – seasonal? – and the manifestation is my lack of effectiveness in some of those same details of life – fitness, personal habits, financial discipline, housekeeping, etc.
But at a higher level, what do I want emotionally? Spiritually?
Sadly, since Iosing Bryan and focusing so much on survival mode, I don’t even remember how to dream or know what I want from life anymore. I know what I do not want: loneliness, strife, depression, overwhelming demands. I really have no interest in remarrying, climbing the corporate ladder any further, or amassing wealth or things.
A friend invited me to participate in a small group doing an online “Soul Restoration Workshop” put on by the Brave Girls Club. It has kind of a journaling/art therapy/personal exploration focus, and the idea of creative restoration really resonates with me. Maybe I can find or rediscover some of my dreams.
I am happiest when I have big enthusiasms in my life – whether art, fitness, friends, service, learning, even work. I used to have that passion; I hope to find it again.