Lost Dreams

Do not lose hold of your dreams or aspirations. For if you do, you may still exist but you have ceased to live.
      ~Thoreau

A friend and I have been talking about understanding and supporting each other with our priorities, our needs, and our lives in transition.

My challenge is that I no longer have any clue what I want in life.

My personality type is such that I focus on the practical details to avoid dealing with messy feelings and dreams and mood swings. It does make me a decent project manager.

Practically, I’m focusing on getting the rather overwhelming details of my life straightened out – my old house painted, re-carpeted & sold, my eldest launched into independent life, my finances stabilized, my job figured out with manageable work-life balance.

I will admit that I have been depressed lately – seasonal? – and the manifestation is my lack of effectiveness in some of those same details of life – fitness, personal habits, financial discipline, housekeeping, etc.

But at a higher level, what do I want emotionally? Spiritually?

Sadly, since Iosing Bryan and focusing so much on survival mode, I don’t even remember how to dream or know what I want from life anymore. I know what I do not want: loneliness, strife, depression, overwhelming demands. I really have no interest in remarrying, climbing the corporate ladder any further, or amassing wealth or things.

A friend invited me to participate in a small group doing an online “Soul Restoration Workshop” put on by the Brave Girls Club. It has kind of a journaling/art therapy/personal exploration focus, and the idea of creative restoration really resonates with me. Maybe I can find or rediscover some of my dreams.

I am happiest when I have big enthusiasms in my life – whether art, fitness, friends, service, learning, even work. I used to have that passion; I hope to find it again.

3 Responses to “Lost Dreams”

  1. Tom Says:

    Jeri, it’s interesting that what you report is what I’ve been going through lately, too. No real enthusiasm for anything, and no desire to drive ambition. I just don’t know what I want. If you find how to change that, I’d be interested.

  2. Beast Mom Says:

    The workshop sounds like a good thing. I hope it’s rejuvenating. I’ve found at the lowest of lows that I can never “will” myself back up. It just comes. Eventually. Usually after what feels like an inordinate amount of downtime. But engaging in some inspiration (that isn’t further taxing) is helpful sometimes. I hope you find it so. :)

    -bm

  3. Holy Says:

    The word enthusiasm, etymologically speaking, means to be “filled with God” and is a kind of energy surge that reorients us back into the flow of life itself.

    Julia Cameron speaks to that in one of her later chapters in The Artist’s Way.

    And on that note, I’m very enthused about this brave girls adventure. You will assuredly reunited with your passion and zeal for life in the process. :)