Relationship Status

A post from a friend made me think. And think some more.

What’s with this relationship status stuff? And “looking for” stuff? Why do we have to be so neatly pigeonhole-able?

So, I lost my husband one year, three months and six days ago. Does that make a widow? Single? Mostly married, still, in my head?

I actually dislike the terms “single”. And “widowed”. They seem to imply a lack, a loss. (Although in my case, that is certainly true.) I prefer “on my own”, “independent”, or how about, “none of your business”.

We all need companionship, friends and loved ones to float down this great river of life with. Some are near and dear, some are casual, and some are here for a time and soon gone. There’s a time for everything, and to everything there is a season – even love we thought would last a lifetime.

I have amazing friends of both genders, here, in Anchorage, and across the country. They’ve lifted me up and kept me going, and have always been available to cheer with me and cry with me, and I have the privilege of doing the same for them.

So really, now that I think about it, when someone asks me what my relationship status is – or what I’m looking for – I think the very best answer I can give is “friend”.

6 Responses to “Relationship Status”

  1. Vince Says:

    “So, what’s your relationship status?”
    “I have relationships.”
    “But are you single, married, divorced, you know – in a committed relationship?”
    “I have many relationships with many people, each relationship as unique as the person it is with.”
    “No, no, I’m talking about a real relationship.”
    “All my relationships are ‘real’.”
    “You’re deliberately misconstruing what I’m asking! Are you in love with anyone?”
    “Many people. I love my family and my friends.”
    “Not love you idiot, in love! Like, are you sleeping with anyone?”
    “Well, you don’t have to be in love with someone to sleep with them. Or even to have sex with them. And you can be in love with someone and not be having sex with them.”
    “You’re not being helpful!”

  2. WendyB_09 Says:

    “So, are you in a relationship with him?”
    “Ah, yeah, roommate.”
    “Uh huh. Same room.”
    “Three roommates, three bedrooms, you do the math.”

    I had the best two roomies anyone could ask for for several years, one girl, one guy. Probably the last serious relationships I’ve had. Did we ever sleep together? Yep, travel companions, we shared cars, rooms, occassionally shared beds. To sleep in, well, maybe passed out in would be more accurate. Never crossed the line. Amazingly we’re still friends/family, when we have the time to see each other.

    As to how I identify myself, depend on who’s asking. Technically, I’m a widow, even after 21 years, I usually reserve that for official forms and surveys. In reality, I’m single, when I’m just starting to know people at some point I’ll make a vague reference to when I was married. Most people don’t ask much further.

    If & when I get to know you, you’ll find out I’m a widow. Whatever. I don’t want pity, it was a long time ago and is just part of who I am now.

    Someone who MADE IT!!!

  3. Tom Says:

    Friends. I like to have ‘em and I like to be ‘em.

    I’m glad we got to meet. I confirmed some pretty neat friends that weekend.

  4. Jim Wright Says:

    So, what you’re saying then, my friend, is that we’re in a relationship?

    Uh oh, my wife is NOT going to be happy about this.


  5. Holy Says:

    Relationship status – many and varied. That suits fine.

    I was thinking of just that this morning in relation to someone I know who is desperately seeking, to the degree that I think she doesn’t see herself as whole without “acquiring” a male counterpart.

    Curious stuff. How is condo hunting coming along?

  6. Mind Ground Says:

    Give me one good reason to get married….

    I found your entry interesting thus I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)