Unkind Dream
Last night I had a dream that completely drained me. I rarely have vivid or memorable ones, so this was unusual.
In my dream, I was in an airport or a train station, looking down from a mezzanine level, and I saw Bryan below. I was shocked and surprised, but my dreamtime brain told me, “He hasn’t died yet, you can save him, you can reverse it.”
As a fix-it sort of woman, I got moving and tried to get to him before he disappeared into the crowd. The escalator was broken and boarded off. The elevator didn’t come. I couldn’t find any stairs.
I watched, growing increasingly frantic, over the balcony railing as Bryan slowed, turned red, convulsed briefly, then collapsed onto the cold marble floor.
At that point I attempted the broken escalator, jumping the barricade and picking my way over the construction zone, while security men shouted at me.
By the time I made it to Bryan he was unconscious. I screamed, “Call 911″ at hurried passers-by, padded his head with my coat and elevated his feet on his backpack.
He stopped breathing and his heart stopped beating as I checked him, so I prepared to start CPR. Strangely, of all those rushing by, no one gathered around and no one offered to help, it was if, dreamlike, we were invisible.
In my dream I don’t remember actually administering CPR, just knew I’d done so, and the paramedics did not come. I just remember giving up and admitting he was gone. I laid down beside him and held him on the chilly marble as he grew colder.
I was neither able to get to him in time nor save him, after all, in my dream; so much for changing history.
Tonight, dream gods, I’d like Tahiti, a sailboat and Mai Tais, please?
January 10th, 2010
I’m sorry your subconscious did that to you.
Hug, hug, hug.
January 10th, 2010
Thanks, Janiece – it was just a dream. Still, the adrenaline residue in my system this morning was not fun, it stuck with me for hours.
January 10th, 2010
That’s some dream. Sorry to hear you had to experience that.
January 10th, 2010
That’s rough. I’m so sorry. arrrrrrggggghhhhhh at your subconscious and ((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))) for you.
January 11th, 2010
To sleep, perchance to dream… Aye, there’s the rub!
Dreams are strange. I remember having one about UCFers about a week ago. I didn’t like it. Now I don’t remember much more than that. I’ve never blogged a dream before, though. That’s an interesting way to defuse the emotion, if it can be done at all.
January 11th, 2010
I’ve had dreams like that, where it was all about trying to get from point A to point B in time for something, with all sorts of ridiculous obstacles. But never one where I had to watch someone die, and usually I never manage to get where I’m trying to go.
January 11th, 2010
I had a few ghost dreams like that after my husband died.
bunch of hugs for you from one who’s been there. Call if you need to talk.
January 11th, 2010
After my sister died, I dreamed about her on a regular basis. In my dreams she was still with us and it was as if nothing had changed. But I never had to watch her get hit by a drunk driver. I never relived the moment of her death. I can’t imagine having to do that.
*hugs*