How Not to Write

Last week I tweeted a facetious novel writing suggestion, the first one in the list below, and it made me think: how many ill-advised ways can I come up with to write a 50,000 word novel?

  1. Write a 50,000 word MS project plan.

  2. Write a 50,000 word novel in Morse code.
  3. Write a 50,000 word novel consisting entirely of limericks.
  4. Write a 50,000 word comedic romance novel in Klingon.
  5. Write a 50,000 word vampire novel with a fountain pen. In your own blood.
  6. Write a 50,000 word literary novel in the bathroom, on toilet paper.
  7. Write and illustrate a 50,000 word serial graphic novel. In full color.
  8. Write a 50,000 word murder mystery on post-it-notes. Scramble them, then transcribe.
  9. Write a 50,000 word novel in sharpie (or tattoo!) on your own skin. And that of your family, if your handwriting isn’t small. Preserve via digicam.
  10. Write a 50,000 word novel in less than 30 days, while working full time, sleeping too little and drinking too much caffeine. Oh, wait, that’s NaNoWriMo!

Any really bad writing ideas you can come up with?

7 Responses to “How Not to Write”

  1. Janiece Says:

    11. Point and laugh at your friends who have been bitten by this particular bug.

    What?

  2. Eric Says:

    12. Write 50 1,000-word short stories in 30 days.

    13. Write a 50,000 word autobiography. Centered around the abduction. Written in crayon. On the walls of your bedroom. After you’ve cleared out all the furniture (to limit the places the CIA and KGB can install the listening devices). And after you’ve covered the window in aluminum foil (to reflect radio waves the mothership is sending to the device in your teeth).

    14. Write a 50,000 word slashfic about the time Harry Potter accidentally transported himself to Mr. Spock’s cabin on The Enterprise while trying to cast an Accio charm.

  3. Bill Says:

    Write a 50,000 word novel using nothing but TLA’s. (Each TLA counts as only 1 word)

    (That’s Three Letter Acronyms for those not in the technology business.)

  4. Jeri Says:

    Bill, I work with many folks who write emails exactly as you describe. :)

  5. Dr. Phil Says:

    If you’ve never seen it, go rent the movie “Quills”. It should cover 5, 6, and 9.

    As for 4, there’s a market for it. Seriously.

    Dr. Phil

  6. WendyB_09 Says:

    Yeah, if you did 4 you could come down here for DragonCon next year and present it. People would fight to get into your sessions!!

  7. Choyu Says:

    Write a 50,000 word novel… gnitirw drowyreve sdrawkcab!