Hot Chick Janiece posted today about her weight loss progress and our IM conversation, where she typoed “goad” instead of goal. It was too funny – and her goad is a beautiful little black dress.

My goal is a little more complex.

I was an athlete in HS/college. I never believed I was slim or fit enough, and in fact was told I was not, even at 19% body fat content. (I am naturally not a slim person – I’m large boned and tend to build muscle.) There were a few years back then when I was in great shape and should have left well enough alone.

Then, through the years I gained weight. A whole lot of weight. Sedentary lifestyle, compulsive eating, babies, knee injury, life.

I woke up one morning in 2001 and decided that I needed to stop watching life and start living it. I gave myself the choice of losing weight the traditional way – diet & exercise – or having weight loss surgery. I was too healthy to consider the latter, so dug in.

Through a combination of hard exercise, low-carb dieting and obsessive focus, I lost about 85 pounds in a year. It was not a healthy or sustainable lifestyle, and in fact I hurt myself working out (rotator cuff injury), and when I hit a mental block I gave up. Because it wasn’t sustainable – and I was injured and couldn’t keep exercising – I gained most of it back. I am very ashamed of this; it’s hard to admit it in a public forum.

What did I do right? I had a great online and real life support system. I managed my blood sugar well. And I exercised regularly, if a bit over the top.

Now, several years later, I’m back at it. This time I’m just following an unstructured healthy eating plan – organic, high fiber, lots of vegetables & fruit, controlled portions, limited to no white flour & sugar. It’s very sustainable. I’m also exercising but more for enjoyment and less for cosmetic goals – and while I’m pushing myself I’m careful to avoid setting myself up for injury.

I think I’m near where I was before, at my 85 lb loss. I don’t know for sure because I don’t weigh or measure myself. Obsessive focus on those numbers is counterproductive for me. My clothing size is similar – and I look similar in photos, below.

What’s next? I’d like to continue improving my fitness level and take off that last stubborn 40-50 pounds. I’ll never be a bikini babe or look as svelte as I did in college – two pregnancies, forty-something years of gravity and the excess skin remaining after weight loss ensures that. Still, I’d like to be as fit and comfortable as possible in my own body; I’d like to make friends with this vessel I’m going to grow old in.

My goad? Not suitable for a family-friendly blog. Email or IM me and maybe I’ll share it with you.