True Names
Names are intertwined with identity. In my family, we had four Jerrys, including my dad, and two Cheris. I then intelligently married a man named Jerry. 
Unsurprisingly my children are Ben and Zach – no “erry” and no rhyming.
My dad, who I admired greatly, was the only male of his generation and he had two daughters; the Sisco name could have ended with him. My sister retained her maiden name at marriage, though.
I had always wanted to do the same, but both my first husband and Bryan were uncomfortable with the idea. It wasn’t important enough to me to hurt my spouse over, so I acquiesced and took my husband’s name.
For those of you who understand my fairly feminist sentiments, that may be a surprise. In some sense taking a spouse’s name is an intrinsic subsumption of a woman’s identity in her husband’s. There’s still a lot of latitude for growth and self-awareness within that, but the journey begins as a subset of another.
Jeri Merrell is a name I wore proudly in spite of my preference for keeping my own name. My husband was an amazing man, a leader in his industry, devoted to his family, a caring friend. I adored him and would never consciously have hurt him.
Still, my core self is “Jeri Sisco”, and that self-concept has been formed over 44 years of life. She’s me, at my most passionate, creative, focused, bright, caring and centered. (She’s also me at my most idiotic, blind and impetuous, but we won’t go there.)
After careful thought, and in Bryan’s much-mourned absence, I have decided to change my name back to my maiden name. It’s not a repudiation of our marriage, nor a denial of the respect and gratitude I have for him – it’s just returning back to who I am now that I must forge on alone.
So, I went to court this morning and went through the formal name change. Then I began the bureaucratic procedures to propagate that throughout my life.
As a few of my texting friends may know, I had a major case of anxious jitters waiting outside of the courtroom this morning. Part of it was the unfamiliar environment – I’ve never been to court before! And part of it was the permanence of the change and all it means – and doesn’t mean – to me.
Many thanks to Janiece, Tania, Michelle and Joe for diverting me so entertainingly. 
(And to the rest of you who would have also happily pitched in – but I wouldn’t have been able to keep up!) And no, Michelle, I didn’t meow in the courtroom. LOL
It’s a new chapter. A new name, a true name. And a new future – a different one – not with the partner I’d planned, but in the excellent company of my amazing, cherished family and friends just the same.
Bonus points to the reader who catches the title reference!
June 16th, 2009
The least important first – Vernor Vinge. Bonus points for me!
There have been so many changes you have had to make in the past few months that you have had no control over that it’s good to see a change occurring that is within your control.
June 16th, 2009
Good morning, Ms. Sisco!
June 16th, 2009
That’s well put, Vince.
Hi, Jeri Sisco! (And may I say — I’m jealous that you have nearly the same last name as Cpt. Benjamin Sisko…)
June 16th, 2009
Jeri,
Whatever name you choose to go by. You still are and alwasys will be the same, overly cool, bright, intelligent, witty, absolutely fabulous and beautiful (inside and out) friend!!!
June 16th, 2009
Vince, you know what, I’d never thought of that perspective!
Natalie, Anne, good morning back. And I’d actually like to figure out how I finagle a spot as a networking systems heiress.
Gene, thank you. ::blushing:: Same to you!
June 16th, 2009
Vince — too funny. That’s an excellent book. My thinking was actually from Ursula Le Guin’s Earthsea cycle, where names are the essence of a thing and to name a true name is to truly understand it.
June 16th, 2009
Ahhh. I’d forgotten about the Earthsea cycle. I’ll have to reread that once I’ve gotten through all the books currently in hopper to read.
June 16th, 2009
Jeri, I have to tell you the truth: I’m very disappointed in you.
“Sisco” is a perfectly nice name, but with a few penstrokes you could have been “Jeri Kickass McAwesomepirateninjaqueen”. And that’s how I’ll choose to think of you, and your self-image be damned.
June 16th, 2009
CAPTAIN OF THE DEFIANT!
June 17th, 2009
Ah, Eric, if only I’d consulted you first. That is a perfectly awesome name, although it’d be kind of hard to fit in a standard check signature line. I actually thought of you while I was sitting in court, there were many public defenders wandering around with their clients. (Many of whom were wearing ratty jeans and flip flops… sad.)
Michelle, do you know where I left the keys to the Defiant? I can’t seem to find ‘em.
June 17th, 2009
Jeri,
I think Eric’s name for you fits much better!
Not that there is anything wrong with Sisco. It fits but Eric’s name fits much better.
Eric – Great Name!!!
June 17th, 2009
Stupid Worf probably still has the keys to the Defiant.
June 18th, 2009
Jeri, I think I understand why you’re doing it, as well as not why you’re doing it, and I congratulate you on your strength and resolve. To me you’ve mostly been Smug Puppies Jeri, or Jeri UCF, and you’ll still be those, I hope.
A new start for yourself, while honoring and remembering the past, is much to be desired. Good luck with the change while you expand on who you’ve always been.
June 18th, 2009
Yay true names.
My first thought was of the true names in Glen Cook’s Black Company series. There, among the sorcerors, knowing another sorceror’s true name meant you had ultimate power over them.
June 19th, 2009
When I’m really tired or distracted and answer the phone, I sometimes identify myself by my maiden name (sorry Honey!). They are sometime confused and often amused when I have to re-introduce myself.
June 27th, 2009
Welcome back, Jeri Sisco. M