Survivor: Guantanamo Bay
I propose a new edition of the reality show Survivor populated by tribes of some of the nation’s most annoying and extreme political figures. This would be a special version with unique rules, and I’m thinking Guantanamo Bay is a great location for the event.
Here is my proposed starting lineup:
|
The Red Tribe Rush Limbaugh Anne Coulter Arnold Schwarzenegger Sarah Palin Megan McCain Dick Cheney Mel Gibson Bill O’Reilly Sean Hannity |
The Blue Tribe Al Gore Jesse Jackson Nancy Pelosi Bill Clinton Markos Moulitsas James Carville Sean Penn Tim Robbins Susan Sarandon |
The rules, so far?
- Contestants begin the competition by paddling to Cuba from the Florida Keys on their own makeshift rafts. First team on the ground gets food.
- Challenges could include surviving waterboarding, the longest filibuster, the longest silence, shooting & dressing prey (not hunting partners), hunger strike, media deprivation, listening skills, navigating a gauntlet of hostile protestors, skin diving for silver dollars, etc.
- Halfway through the show, the tribes must combine into a purple tribe without killing each other.
- Here’s the twist: anyone voted off the island has to disappear from the public media scene and the national stage for, oh, at least four years.
- The winner could earn his or her own private island, to rule in perpetuity. It might be an empty island, but it would be his/her very own. Mail plane optional.
Can anyone think of additional contestants? Rules? Challenges? I think this has real potential, Hollywood!
Note: I am not a fan of reality tv, and politically I’m independent/libertarian, annoyed by both extremes. This is satire, and anyone who takes it too seriously will have to join the winner on his/her island.
May 14th, 2009
Hee! This is one reality show that we might actually allow in our home.
Please add Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon to the “Blue Team,” and Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly to the “Red Team.”
And I think the entire thing should kind of resemble the Donner Party…
May 14th, 2009
Jeri,
I now know why I love you!!! You are twisted like I am!
A challenge for the show.
The red team has to watch liberal TV and the blue team has to watch the conservative TV and see which team lasts the longest watching wins the opportunity to sleep in beds for a week!
Gene
May 14th, 2009
A hurricane. It needs a hurricane.
May 14th, 2009
Shouldn’t Joe the plumber be there? You know…in case the toilets get clogged?
May 14th, 2009
Nathan, he was on my short list, but then Google brought me this tidbit: “Samuel Wurzelbacher, better known as Joe the Plumber, tells TIME he’s so outraged by GOP overspending, he’s quitting the party.” I agree that his fifteen minutes of fame are totally over, but I couldn’t figure out which team to put him on.
Janiece, will add, and I totally agree, the Donner party look, feel and experience should definitely be a part of the whole experience.
Gene, the opposite TV should be a part of the silent meditation challenge!
Vince, yes, a hurricane, with delayed & substandard emergency response.
I was thinking about how to make the whole experience even more twisted, and I think one of the challenge rewards could be a date with a Gitmo Bay prison guard!
May 14th, 2009
Jeri, That would be perfect they have to watch the opposite TV and not comment!!! Perfect!!
Vince, The huricane is perfect!!!
I love the date idea!!
May 14th, 2009
Carville’s already working on a “purple team”; he’s been married to Mary Matalin, who at one point was arguably the hottest woman in the GOP, since ’93 (looks, brains, vicious sense of humor).
I propose an airlift challenge solely because it would give The Arnold a chance to shout, “Get to the choppah!” and I love hearing him say that.
May 14th, 2009
(P.S.: before anyone calls me on the Matalin comments, that was almost twenty years ago. Now she and Carville look kinda like each other, which is either a cute-couple thing or horribly, horribly, horribly wrong. Aw, hell, why do we have to choose? It’s a horribly, horribly, horribly wrong cute-couple thing, “cute” meaning, “Oh sweetmotherofgod, why?”)
May 14th, 2009
I’m taking bests on which players are killed by their own team mates and eaten. I think it’s a tie between Rush for the Reds and Carville for the Blues. First team to rid us of a load-mouth gets this -> http://observationbubble.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/united-steaks-of-america.jpg.
May 14th, 2009
That would be bets, not bests.
May 14th, 2009
OK, I understand the aversion to including Joe, but how about this. On the last two seasons, they’ve had “Exile Island” where a contestant gets sent to spend the night alone but with a chance to find an immunity idol. Joe could be the immunity idol on the island and if whoever is exiled can catch him and bring him down, they have the idol!
I like it. It keeps him both wanted and reviled by everyone.
May 14th, 2009
The problem with eating Limbaugh is that it’s likely to lead to renal failure.
Hey, Wanda had a point, okay?
May 15th, 2009
Can I suggest a change of Island?
Bikini Island in the Bikini Atoll of the Marshall Islands.
May 15th, 2009
Bad idea, Jim: if there’s one thing I’ve learned from ’50s science-fiction movies, it’s that:
RADIATION = GIGANTISM
…and well-known biophysicist and author Stanley Lieber has thoroughly documented radiation’s interesting propensity for:
RADIATION = SUPERPOWERS
…see where this is going? The last thing the world needs now is Rush Limbaugh and Nancy Pelosi to be forty feet tall. Throw in atomic fire-breath, indestructibility, flight, etc., and the world is doomed, doomed, doomed.
What about a volcano?