Headlines of our Lives
I’m going to take a page from Nathan and suggest an Internet group activity.
Have you read Eric’s excellent blog post today about the nutbar woman who is a “Puppy-Cloning International Sex Fugitive With Three-Legged Horse Wanted In Tennessee”? It’s a great post. Just don’t read it while you’re drinking any sort of beverage – you don’t want to snort liquid out your nose.
Both Janiece and I commented that we think that our lives just don’t rate that kind of drama. Really, though, we’re all interesting people, and we’re all creative types.
Here’s my proposal. I challenge each UCF type – or innocent bystander – to visit a couple of others – or everyone! – and write them interesting and dramatic headlines about their lives. They don’t have to be correct, based in fact, or even related to the post at hand. Be imaginative. Exaggerate. Suck up. Bait the search engines.
After all, don’t we all live extraordinary lives? So let’s immortalize that in print, at least with prose as deathless as electronic media can be.
Update: I’m having better luck writing short bio paragraphs than headlines. I’m just too wordy. So that’s what you’re getting from me. Whatever works! 
August 17th, 2008
(link to Eric’s story is broken)
Awesome idea! Would it make sense for everyone who wants to play to create a post titled “Headlines of our Lives” that people can leave their creations in as comments?
August 17th, 2008
I’m so on this. It’ll be my post for tomorrow…
August 17th, 2008
Happy to be an inspiration, and thanks for the compliment.
I have no idea what I’d come up with for an entry, though….
August 18th, 2008
I’m in, but it may be short stories, and it may take me awhile, depending upon how busy things are.
Tee hee!
August 18th, 2008
I think I’ll post them all on my website, with links, to encourage people who aren’t part of the UCF to visit y’all.
August 18th, 2008
Nathan’s first entry:
Seattle Woman Held for Evaluation After Confrontation With Stephen Spielberg.
Earlier today, a woman who’s name is being withheld was taken into custody aboard a commuter ferry. Stephen Spielberg had been scouting the ferry with the intention of using it in his upcoming motion picture (Tom Cruise is an Alien), when the woman approached him and began handing him photo after photo of her son and repeatedly saying, “My boy should play the ice cream vendor”. Bodyguards tried to hold her back, but she seemed determined to get her son a part in the movie.
Spielberg’s spokesman would only say, “The presence of an ice cream vendor in this movie can neither be confirmed nor denied. I don’t know where this lady’s getting her information.”
August 18th, 2008
Here’s my entry for Jeri:
Project Manager Wanted for Misuse of Gantt Chart
Yesterday a telecommunications project manager was arrested for assault with a deadly Gantt Chart.
The victim of the assault was apparently late to a meeting called by the PM, and refused to hang up his cell phone and attend in a timely manner after being found in the break room by the PM.
The PM evidently snapped, and started chasing the unlucky victim, screaming, “your time is NOT more valuable than mine, you inconsiderate bastard!” She then assaulted the victim with a rolled up copy of a Gantt Chart, laughing maniacally.
Charges are pending. Defense counsel, who is married to the suspect, is seeking a psychiatric evaluation. He is quoted as saying, “It was only a matter of time. I TOLD her to give up telecommunications and concentrate on jewelry making, but she had to pay off our MINI first. So really, it’s kind of my fault.”
August 18th, 2008
I’m in. Sounds like fun!
August 18th, 2008
Nathan – too funny. But would Spielberg do his own scouting, or rely upon your own fabulous talents?
Janiece – those 5,000 line Gantt charts can be lethal weapons, as are the plan review meetings to go over them. This scenario is not outside the realm of possibility.
Prizes! I like the prizes idea. I think I, too will offer a prize for the best headline/story/etc. The judges will be my geeky teens.
Also, y’all should go visit Lance’s blog, he’s playing along. It’s a good site, and he’s kind of an honorary associate UCF guy after having dinner with some of us at Worldcon. He likes SF, writing, cooking and IT stuff – we may yet assimilate him.
August 18th, 2008
I’m having way too much fun with writing these and actually have to get some work done – so blurbs on other UCF members will have to wait until this evening.
August 18th, 2008
I posted my entry over on my blog, since it includes more than one of you
Terrorist Group Kidnaps…
August 18th, 2008
My headlines (the ones that are done) are up on my site.
They kinda go together in some semblance of order, so you have to read them over there.
Enjoy!
August 18th, 2008
Janiece, you are crazy if you think I’d take on a client like that.
Oh wait…nevermind.
August 18th, 2008
Jeri,
Once things are narrowed down to a few choices or even once you’ve chosen a location, the Director always goes there in person before it finalized. Yes, Spielberg would be there eventually.
August 18th, 2008
I have a two for the price of one for Shawn and Vince, who do not have a “Headlines” post up to comment upon.
______________________
Vince _____, a techno-empath who heals electronic and computer devices by the laying on of hands, has been the victim of an attempted murder by a technophobic neopagan group that has named him the “Great Gruagach”.
In a Vcast interview with cult media personality and social networking panderer Shawn _____, a haggard, bruised looking Vince expressed bewilderment, saying, “I don’t even know what the Great Whatchamacallit is! I’m just trying to help my clients keep their businesses running.”
Meanwhile, Shawn, a known camera hog who occasionally doesn’t even turn the camera on his interview subjects, smirked and began demonstrating the features of the new Tazeo, a combination smartphone, high-res video camera, video poker game and taser personal protection device.
At the end of the demonstration, he offered the Tazeo to Vince, waking the battered victim from a much needed nap. Vince yawned, but his eyes lit up; he grasped the device, scanned the controls, and promptly tested it on a very shocked Shawn.
The two men no longer sit anywhere near each other at UCF functions.
August 18th, 2008
We have functions?
Nobody tells me squat!
August 19th, 2008
Couple Linked to “Reign Of Terror”
Jeri ____ and her husband ____ have been identified as part of the gang who cut a swath through the NorthWest, creating havoc in multiple small towns from Washington State to South Dakota. The couple are elbowed and dangerous (only partially armed). A third participant is as yet unidentified, and may be a “small person” (dwarf or midget). This third participant is sometimes known as “Maggie”. Be on the lookout, and do not try to apprehend by yourself. Report all potential sightings to your local Special Munitions, Unuaual Guns (SMUG) K-9 unit.