Antisocial Habits
Once upon a time, I was a fairly social person. I used to have company over occasionally, go to social gatherings regularly, even work in an office and go to lunch with real flesh-and-blood people. The same applied online: I was an online chat host and participant, a frequent forum contributor, a book-clubber and an instant-messager.
Somehow, over the last few years, I’ve become rather reclusive. Hermitlike, even.
At the same time, my professional career has become increasingly demanding, requiring long hours of work, immediate access, instant responsiveness and constant communication with my professional teams. I travel frequently and burn a lot of midnight oil on deadlines, testing sessions and project cutovers.
The same tools I used to use to have an interesting social life I now use in service of my professional world. In the course of a week, this week in fact, I’ve had one-on-one and group IM chat sessions across every platform, conducted webcast sessions, facilitated audio and video conferences, given formal presentations, participated in informal brainstorming discussions, and organized team building social events.
I think there’s an inverse relationship there - the more I use it for work, the less I’m interested in using it for fun.
In the last day, many of my online friends have been exchanging IM addresses to better stay in touch. I haven’t used IM socially in nearly a decade. I use it for work all day long - I have addresses on every platform, and my system automatically logs me on - but I’ve nearly forgotten how to use it for fun. (I also don’t have the best boundaries in the world about saying “Sorry, can’t chat during work hours, way too frantically busy!” and I just need to grow a backbone.)
This really made me stop and think, especially in my current cranky state. Where is it written that these tools should only be for work and not for fun? Why does personal use seem like an intrusion while professional use is acceptable - even when the professional messages come at all hours, day and night?
The sad difference between using these social media channels for fun rather than for work, is that personal use can be very rewarding. I can let my hair down, relax, care about others and laugh with friends. Building relationships is a replenishing thing!
So, while I was sitting on the fence, debating whether to keep my IM contact professional, designate one address as personal use, or set up something else entirely, clever Janiece tried my email address on MSN and bingo, she got it right. Actually, I’m glad. I eventually would gotten there if I wasn’t so busy overthinking it all.
So, if you’d like my IM details, email me and remind me of this post. 
July 16th, 2008
That totally makes sense.
I promise to not use your IM as part of any nefarious plot. Or, if I do, I will discreet about it.
July 16th, 2008
Actually, nefarious is cool. As long as it’s on the weekend.
July 17th, 2008
I use IM for work all day long too. Thankfully, I have been working with awesome people, and work relationships have truly become “team” or even “friend” relationships. It makes work soooo much better.
I realize my job is rather rare in that particular way, but a few years back, I was so burned out by work that I ended up in the hospital with chest pains, etc. (in my 20s, sheesh)
Now, I refuse to take work too seriously. Thankfully, it’s landed me in job situations that make it “OK” for me to do that. There are very few (although there are a couple, board meetings for example) situations in which a fart joke wouldn’t be tolerated. And when fart jokes are your meter for a successful work environment, it’s a pretty good day. LOL!
July 17th, 2008
Girl, if Holly needs to eat a sammich, you need to relax. Everyone in the UCF knows we all have jobs that require our attention so that we can, you know, pay the mortgage. Except Jim, of course, who’s a lazy bum and has a sugar mama.
For my own part, feel free to tell me to piss off if it’s a bad time and I won’t take it personally. And I’ll do the same. Fair?
July 17th, 2008
Shawn, good point. It’s true that several of my colleagues are great friends as well, including my boss and several of my project team members. It makes traveling to Anchorage a pleasure as well as a professional obligation. But, unlike you, I still take work far too seriously… as Janiece also noticed.
Janiece, I agree. The whole learning to relax thing been a lifelong process. And how many project manager types do you know that DON’T need to ratchet back a bit on the intensity?
The profession attracts us type A sorts like flies. I keep wondering when my winning lottery ticket will turn up, and then I remember that it’s far more likely to happen if I actually buy a ticket.
July 17th, 2008
I know that when I’m done at work, after sitting in front of a computer all day, the last thing I usually want to do at home is sit in front of the computer. Although lately, with all the blog/UCF activity, I’ve been checking email more frequently at home. I haven’t used IM in years, and the other night, when I was on facebook someone IMed me there and I thought it was pretty neat. I think that’s kind of sad on my part, that A)I didn’t know one could do that and B)I hadn’t done any IMing in so long it was kind of fresh and new.
Anywho, I think anyone from the UCF would understand if you have to say “eff off, I’m too busy with work to chat”
July 17th, 2008
Matt, Facebook? And probably LinkedIn too, huh? Expect requests from some of us.
July 17th, 2008
I’m basically logged in all the time too, and I don’t mind people talking to me while I’m at work. In fact I enjoy when people talk to me when I’m at work because much of my work is mindless tedious tasks. The main thing to keep in mind is that there can be lengthy pauses mid-conversation. E.g., you say something and I don’t reply for 10 minutes because my boss has stopped by my desk to discuss something. By the same token, I don’t expect others to be paying full attention to my IMs the whole time either.
July 17th, 2008
If I get an IM and I’m busy I just ignore it. To me IM is like the phone, just because it rings doesn’t mean I have to answer.
I don’t know if I’ve always been this way or not. Using IM this way is part of our company culture and it’s bled over into the way I use IM all the time.
So if you IM me and I don’t answer, I may be busy working or I may be watching the ball game. Probably both.